When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Kahlil Gibran 1883-1931
How often do we witness grief in its rawest form? For a parent faced with the death of their child, how can you hold the tension between living and loving and anticipating your child’s death? And when your child dies, how can you begin to pick up the pieces of your life and somehow put them back together again?
Unmasking Grief illuminates the story of four bereaved mothers who came together over a series of months as they carefully removed their mask and shared with each other the truth of their grief. Rachel, Yvonne, Bec and Angela face confronting topics with dignity, grace, vulnerability and humour.
The themes that guide the framework of this six chapter story unfolded through a series of conversations. These four mothers asked that this production remain true to their experience. As a group living with the unimaginable and unbearable, the death of their child, they convey immense pain and confusion as they traversed first their child’s terminal diagnosis; the anticipation of their child’s death; their child’s end of life and planning for their child’s funeral; the days, weeks, months and years following the death of their child; and the gradual enveloping of love and joy that began to emerge amongst the brokenness. We witness the capacity of the human spirit to hold life and loss, sorrow and joy in tandem.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked…
Kahlil Gibran
Grieving openly in a world that resists confronting suffering is arduous. You learn to put on a mask to avoid experiencing more pain or unintentionally inflicting pain on others. While in the beginning a mask may help us to feel safe, wearing a mask can be suffocating and exhausting and may have a reductive effect on our flourishing. When we mask sorrow, we restrain our joy and can become an empty vessel. It can become exhausting losing this sense of yourself. And in wearing this mask, the world will never really come any closer to learning the essence of grief or learning how to connect in meaningful ways with those who are grieving.
When it feels the right time, and you carefully begin to remove this mask, you give yourself the opportunity to build yourself back in a way that is real.
As you travel with us through our story, you may like to approach this as you would a book. There may be chapters that resonate with your present circumstances or that provide a feeling of connection for you at this time. Perhaps questions will be raised that have been on your mind too. There may be chapters that simply feel too confronting right now. Go at the pace that suits you. Like a book, start, stop, mark up pages, return to what speaks strongly to you, and navigate carefully through what you don’t quite feel ready for or able to view today.
If you are a parent anticipating the death of your child, or a parent now suffering this unimaginable loss, we hope that in unmasking our experience, this enables you to gently unmask. We also send you all our love and care.
If you are a companion to a bereaved parent, we hope that in witnessing the truth of grief, this allows you to become an enabler in unmasking grief for those you walk alongside.
Viewing our story
We share our story through six chapters below. Our story unfolds in response to prompt questions carefully crafted through a series of facilitated workshops. Each prompt question is time stamped (eg. 09:30) allowing viewers to move to or avoid different question responses.
These are our six chapters as they have unfolded to the present. Like your story, our story is to be continued.
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Natasha Bedingfield
We came together in loving memory of Evie, Dainere, Marc and Rosa who will always envelope us in a blanket of love.
We honour Rachel, Yvonne, Bec and Angela as they unmask their grief and share the gift of their story to enable others to walk tenderly with their grief.
Viewing these stories and confronting suffering may not be easy. When feeling vulnerable, some people find it helpful to lean into the comfort of trusted family and friends, a family doctor or counsellor.
If you are seeking urgent support we encourage you to contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
