The ripple effect of Unmasking Grief

The letter arrived unexpectedly at Palliative Care Australia, its opening lines carrying the weight of four decades: ‘It is forty years and two weeks since my daughter died.’ What followed was a story of one mother carrying grief in silence, and how watching our ‘Unmasking Grief’ series had finally helped her begin to ‘open up that part of her shattered heart.’ It helped shift something, enough for her to feel compelled to write to us.

Her daughter was almost 18-months old when she died. “Her death was sudden and shocking and inexplicable to me and shattered me from the inside. Because of the suddenness of losing her and the impact this had on everyone around her, and because of the need to care for her older sister and those who loved her, I wrapped my grief—and her—safely inside me and got on with work and life and ‘being strong’,” she wrote.

“I have now, 40 years later, begun to open up that shattered part of my heart. Unmasking Grief asks questions and shares experiences that are helping me to do that.”

The series, featuring intimate conversations with mothers whose children have died, was primarily intended for families navigating recent grief. But in receiving this mother’s letter, the enduring nature of grief and the importance of shared stories around grief, no matter how far into the journey someone is, became powerfully clear.

In watching it, the mask she’s been wearing for decades was gently lifted.

“I would be grateful if you could forward my very deep gratitude to those who made Unmasking Grief possible. I am just one bereaved and lonely mother who appreciates in ways I cannot adequately describe how this generous sharing of questions and stories is finally helping me to be close to my daughter again and just ‘be’ with her.”

“You never get over it,” explains Rachel, one of the mothers featured in the ‘Unmasking Grief’ series who lost her daughter, Evie, in 2010. “I think sometimes, the more time passes, there’s an expectation that you should be better, or that everything’s okay. And that if you find yourself in a bit of a grief bubble, or you have a wave of emotions, which can hit you out of nowhere, you’re going backwards, or you’ve failed. It’s not about that. It’s just that grief isn’t linear.”

There’s no single way to process the death of a loved one. “I think the series demonstrates this beautifully,” says Rachel. “There isn’t one right pathway. All of us featured in the series have very different expressions of our grief and what we’ve done with it. Some mothers visit graves daily, others channel their experience into advocacy work, some keep bedrooms unchanged, while others find healing in different rituals.”

“Sometimes you don’t have the ability to put these feelings of grief into words,” says Rachel. “And then when you witness someone else experiencing something similar, and they’re sharing their experience, it can help turn that light on within you that recognises exactly what that was.” It’s a recognition that can spark whether you’re four months or four decades into grief.

When vulnerable stories are put out into the world, their reach is unpredictable. “We actually had no idea the impact [watching it] would have on someone, the ripples of goodness it could have,” Rachel reflects. “Creating the project, we just sort of hoped it would be good and do good.”

In retrospect, her words proved prophetic. What began as a resource for newly bereaved families created a moment of breakthrough for someone who had been carrying her loss in silence for four decades. This mother’s letter serves as an important reminder that grief resources can find their way to those who need them most, regardless of how much time has passed or whether they fit an intended demographic.

“It’s really nice to know Unmasking Grief is out there doing good things,” says Rachel.

Grief has no expiration date, and neither does the need for community and understanding. Sometimes the most powerful healing happens not when trying to fix or cure, but in witnessing and validating. Simply opening up the conversation and being okay with talking about grief; unmasking it in a way that allows for the full spectrum of being human, whenever that moment of readiness arrives.

Unmasking Grief  is a video series commissioned by Palliative Care Australia, funded by the Australian Government as part of the Paediatric Palliative Care National Action Plan Project.

The six-chapter video series sensitively illuminates the grief stories of four bereaved mothers — Rachel, Yvonne, Bec and Angela — who bravely confront topics with dignity, grace, vulnerability, and humour.  The videos explore each woman’s unique experience of grief, and the common bond of understanding and acknowledgement that grows when others living with grief share their story.

The series is available to watch here: Unmasking Grief – Paediatric Palliative Care

Viewing these stories and confronting suffering may not be easy. When feeling vulnerable, some people find it helpful to lean into the comfort of trusted family and friends, a family doctor or counsellor. 

If you are seeking urgent support, we encourage you to contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.